Enough evidence has been gathered to finally document a genetic mutation of DNA that is beginning to run rampant in what some consider to be members of the United States’ most premier families.

As an example, we will look at the genetic decline and DNA deformation in Case 4143, the Greg Woldorf Tush family. This line started out as immigrants to the U.S. Strong, intelligent and with the will that made millions of people come to this country for a fresh start, but something horrifying has been noted in their family line for some time. Their DNA appears to be beginning to unravel and the GGDBF is accelerating at a tremendous rate.

What are the symptoms of GGDBF? What caused the mutation of this family’s DNA?

Extensive and exhausting studies have led researchers to this list of symptoms exhibited by those with GGDBF:

Lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture
Marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules
Delusion(s)
Disorganized speech
Disregard for and violation of the right’s of others
Repeated acts that could get the individual arrested
Conning others for pleasure or profit
Repeated lying
Failure to plan ahead
Repeated assaults on others rights or persons
Recklessness when it comes to personal safety or the safety of other people
Poor work behavior
Failure to honor financial obligations
Rationalizing the pain they inflict on other

Case 4143 is an excellent example of GGDBF. The eldest son of the premier generation still alive exhibits each of the behaviors noted and has apparently passed on this defective DNA to his childrens’ generation as well. Three generations of the males in the family have show a marked preference in their young adulthood for lying in coffins and handling old bones.

What has caused this DNA mutation? The genetic decline appears to have been brought about by the intermarrying of the ‘noveau riche’ families who made their money off the backs of fellow Americans in order to keep the money ‘in the family’. Generations of low morals and lack of appropriate affect and behavior have no doubt accelerated the mutation as well.

With the constant interaction between the same DNA components over multiple generations, the ‘blue-blooded’ families in America exhibit the same personality/physical disorders that afflicted Europe’s aristocracy after generation upon generation of intermarriage. Other examples of this generational defect throughout history include Ancient Rome’s emperors as its zenith began to decline and Ancient Egypt as brother-sister marriages continued to be enforced through countless generations.

Is there a cure for GGDBF? Scientists work frantically to resolve this bizarre mutation that has reared it ugly head once again after lying low for so many centuries, but it appears that the only real cure will be to not allow people who exhibit these symptoms to procreate. Lawmakers who aren’t rolling in money hope to have legislation on the books soon that will prohibit FRWASP (filthy-rich, white, anglo-saxon protestant) marriage.

Aye, this be satire, me wee sea-monkeys…The symptoms shown above are actual symptoms from the DSMIII-R. Ye’ll have t’hunt them down yerself t’be seein’ what they reveal.

Ye can read it rightly iffin ye click on it, Me Sweets. Click twice.

Ye be Welcome.

Th’Mound hasn’t had a Virgin Mary sightin’ in Ages, but this very day she be seen near oozin’ hot cheeseburgers an’ fries (th’burgers a la cheese were oozin’ – not th’fries)! Streaks on th’shiny wall near th’kitchen be resemblin’ Herself, th’Madonna (not th’singin’ one – th’risin’ in th’air type one). Two women eating lunch in a nearby espied th’Mother whilst they be nommin’ at Hamburger Mary’s in Tampa, Florida.

Not t’be outdone, Her Own Son (Aye, Him) descended into a crumpled sock.

In bloody London. Aye, on a clothesline.

If Bonuses Aren’t Up To Snuff

From HuffPost:

For some on Wall Street, a less-than-stellar bonus is simply too much to bear.

Brokerage executives at one Wall Street firm, Jefferies Group, have threatened to leave the company if their bonuses aren’t up to par with other firms, the New York Post reports. Though some particularly stellar employees may be able to eventually convince their bosses to give them a bigger share of the bonus pie, nervousness surrounding dismal job prospects on Wall Street will likely keep most bankers quiet.

“It’s a terrible time to be an employee,” Robert Ottinger, a New York-based lawyer. “Employers know they have all of the power.”

Awwwwwwwwwwwww, Me Frickin’ Lesbian Pirate Queen Black Heart bleeds…